Why is church planting so hard?

Lee Stephenson: Welcome, everyone to the Unfiltered podcast. Lee Stephenson here from Orlando, Florida, broadcasting live. I have the privilege to be a local church planter and oversee Church Planting for Converge.

Danny Parmelee: I'm Danny Parmelee and oversee Church Planting for Converge MidAmerica. Coming from the Nashville studio today.

Lee Stephenson: And it's fun to have you as my sidekick here, Danny. And today we're going to have just an honest conversation about church planting. And specifically, why is church planting so hard? You know, that may seem like a simple question. But the reality is, that is reality. And so many times I sit down with new church planters. I'm sure you do and go, "This is harder than I thought it was going to be." So, let me throw the question at you first. Like, why is church planting so hard? Like, how do you answer that question when people come to you and begin to whine and complain?

Danny Parmelee: Yeah, it's fun. I mean, literally in the last couple of weeks, those have been the exact... Like, hey, this is so much harder than I thought type of thing. I think the reason why it's most difficult is because it is so personal. In other words, as things don't go the way that you expected, or the way that you want them to go, you kind of almost have to look at yourself. Because you're the one that’s starting it. You're starting from nothing. Whereas, you know, if you took some job or even ministry, you know, a church that's been around for a while, you can easily kind of point the fingers and say, "Well, you know, what there's a bad culture here. And you know, there's these elders that are in place, and they've been in power for, you know, 20 years," or, "Hey, they just have a really bad sound..." I don't know, you can just say anything. You can point the finger. Where, as a church plant, everything that happens, is your fault. Good or bad!

Lee Stephenson: Amen!

Danny Parmelee: You're the one that setting the culture. It's like, oh, there's bad leaders in place. Who put those leaders in place? You know. Or, man, this is a horrible facility. Who picked the facility? I mean, just anything that happens. And that's just... I'm not even saying that's right. I'm just saying it's hard, because it is so personal, and it's tied to you. So, I remember, early on when people would ask, "Danny, how are you doing?" And all I did was report to them how the church was doing. To even just recognize the danger in that of how closely tied it is to our own self-worth and how we're doing and that type of thing. So, alright, your turn.

Lee Stephenson: I 100% agree with that perspective. Because I think there's an element of even when the offering is good. We killed it this week. You know when the seats were full, man, God's good. He's blessing us. And then when the opposite happens it's like, shoot, what did I do wrong? And we personalize everything. And so, I think that's definitely one of the things that planters you've got to watch out for. I think the other thing, too... And again, I want to be cautious in how I sound but I think it's an element of, we don't have a good theological understanding about spiritual warfare. And I don't think we talk about it enough. And the reality is like, as a church planter, when you're stepping out there, declaring to the world I'm going to plant a church, like you're declaring war from the heavenly perspective. And I think we undermine the challenges that's going to bring. All hell is gonna break loose in order to kind of push back on what you're trying to do. And I think sometimes we undermine or we don't have room in our theological box, where how do we explain that supernatural side of what we're actually being a part of?

Danny Parmelee: And, added to the thing that I shared is when it's spiritual warfare, that's personal. It's one thing where it's like, spiritual warfare, like we got kicked out of the school. It's a different thing where it's like, my children are, you know, like, somehow affected.

Lee Stephenson: Always sick or...

Danny Parmelee: Something going on with their health. Yeah, you know, those types of things. If that's, you know, truly spiritual warfare stuff can just be really, really difficult. The other thing is, I believe that things are just so magnified, because everything is so small. So, in other words, when you have 40 people that are a part of your launch team, and if you have two and a half families leave. If there is such a thing. But let's just say, you know, there's some people that are connected. Two and a half families leave. You go from 40 to, we'll say 30. Just because they've got a couple kids, and maybe there was one friend that was coming with them. You know, husband, wife, maybe a, you know, a parent, and you know, two or three kids. So, you go from 40 to 30. Losing two families, when you're a 350-person church is nothing.  It happens every single week. You know, you gain one, you lose one. But you lose 10 people in one week, that the whole feel and the dynamic can feel completely different.

Lee Stephenson: Yeah. You lost a quarter of your people.

Danny Parmelee: Right. And so, I just feel like everything's magnified. And there is. There's just so much fear of getting to a place of stability, that even the minor things feel more magnified. If someone is upset, and then you're wondering, okay, well, are they going to be jabbering about this to essentially everybody in the church. Because they can. Because there's one launch team meeting, or one group of people, or one bowling outing that you'll all be at. And will that person be like, "Oh, you know, what? You know, the pastor did this wrong. Or I disagree with this decision. Who's with me? And let's go, you know, let's leave this thing." You know. So, again, I'm not saying it's right. But there's just that fear that it's not going to work. And then again, it traces back to that, how does that reflect on me personally? I tried to do something, and I failed at it.

Lee Stephenson: And I think some of that couples with the fact that sometimes I think, as church planters, we can walk forward with unrealistic expectations. Where we just think, "Hey, I've raised X amount of dollars. We put together a really cool marketing campaign. I'm doing God's work. He's gonna bless this." And we just assume that that's going to show up in people and finances. And I think that's unrealistic from a pure expectations standpoint. Anytime you're starting something new, it's like you're having to overcome the gravitational pull. You know, I love living here by the Space Coast. Because even from my backyard, I can see the rocket take off. And there's nothing quite as spectacular as a night launch. And watching this ball of fire, just light up the sky. You think about the enormous power that has to take place in order for that rocket to break out of Earth's gravitational pull. The same thing is true about any new business. Any new startup. Like there is a pull that is on you. And it takes an enormous amount of work and enormous amount of energy in order to break out of that gravitational pull. I don't care if you're starting a restaurant, a tech company, a church, it's hard. And you just have to walk in with an expectation like, for three years, I'm going to work like I've never worked in my life in order to get this thing up and going and get out of that gravitational pull.

Danny Parmelee: Yeah, absolutely. And, yeah, I mean, even you saying some of that as far as like the expectation, and you're talking about amount of money raised. It has been interesting for me to see guys that have raised significant amounts of money, that still could never get it off the ground. So, I do believe that, you know, you have to have the ability to raise money. But just because you have money does not mean that you will form a healthy, successful church. You cannot buy people to come to what you're doing. And guys will be like, I've got money and I can preach. I've got money, and I can preach. And we talked about that before on the preaching. When everyone thinks they're a great preacher. I've got money. I can preach. So, there's going to be a church that's launched out of this. Definitely not true. I can give you examples of guys who had money and you can't. And you might think that you're really, really great. But there's other great people. And other great churches. And other people that want nothing to do with church at all because they're satisfied with their lives how they are. And you can't force that spiritual transformation. So yeah, it's a very, very, very difficult thing.

Lee Stephenson: It is. And I think you just have to see yourself as a church planter. You're in it for the long haul. And I mean, there is a reason why there's a failure rate to church planting. It is hard. But is it worth it? 100%. And so, church planters that are listening to this, I want you to normalize the difficulties that exist when your church planting. It is normal. It is normal to feel the tension. It's normal to feel defeated. It is normal to have seasons of discouragement. It is also normal to see wins. And so, relax. Enjoy the journey. And God's going to show you and point you, you know, through those seasons if you just allow him to. But walk into it with a normal expectation of yeah, this is going to be hard.

Danny Parmelee: Yeah, my biggest words of encouragement for those that are listening is to focus on faithfulness. I'm not opposed to big vision. I'm not opposed to setting goals. Not opposed to working your tail end off because you have to do that. But to focus on just the faithfulness of it. And allow the results up to God. The more that you can do that, and say, "I'm going to be faithful to what God's called me to. I'm going to preach the Word. I'm going to pastor people. I'm going to reach out. I'm going to be creative and communicate...all of those different things. I'm going to do all those things. But at the end of the day, I'm going to really trust God with the results." Some may come slow. Some may not come for a while. At some point, maybe it doesn't even work. I still think if you've been faithful to it, it isn't because you failed. If you were truly faithful to what God has called you to, that's what matters in the end.

Lee Stephenson: And I love that perspective, Danny. It's like if you can't be faithful with 50 people, why would God ever give you 500 people? All he asks us to do is be faithful with the things that he's placed in our hands. And do that. And enjoy life. Trust that God's doing a great work. So, church planting, yeah, it's hard. But it's worth it. And we need more of you to be willing to take that journey and face the difficulties and go forward. Lives depend upon it. Eternity depends upon it. Thanks, everyone for tuning in to this podcast. And we're just doing our job - trying to keep it real. And I would say until next time, you keep it real.